He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
