how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
