Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
