Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
