I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
