I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
