They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
