Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
