whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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