So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
