I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
