you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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