Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
