You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I will pee on everything he values.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
