Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
