my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
