I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
