Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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