I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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