I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize