He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i believe in u and ur pee
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
