im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
