Jerry, you need to find god
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
