we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
