Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
