Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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