Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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