all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
