Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize