Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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