the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
