watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
