Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
