I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
