He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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