There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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