eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
