3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize