i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You made out with two different species that night
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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