You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
