Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
