i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
