I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
