i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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