The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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