we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
