i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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