You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
