This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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