I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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