And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
