it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
