he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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