Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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