Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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