Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
