This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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