Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
