My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize