I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
