I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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