you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
