you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
