every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
