I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
