This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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