I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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